Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Who am I anyway?

I've been thinking lately about how well I know myself and am loyal to myself. In recent years, I seem to have adopted dreams for my future that are drastically different from what I've always thought. For example, I have always dreamed of getting married, owning a home and having children. With Mister, this was not going to be possible for many reasons--mostly his personal happiness. So, I revised my dreams to include NOT owning a home, traveling lots, and NOT having children. I like the idea of traveling lots; however, I don't think that I really ever felt that having children and a house negated the possibility of travel.

It scares me how readily I would have altered my life dreams just to satisfy Mister's dreams and beliefs. I wonder now if I was just so stubborn about making this marriage work that I didn't see ending it as an option? I've cried and felt heart-broken plenty over that past two months, but now I see that I was crying more about having to start over. I think, deep down, we both realized that we would have to make major sacrifices in our dreams in order to make our marriage work. I, apparently, was willing to try to make these sacrifices. Mister was not. I could be mad at him for giving up...but I think I'd rather thank him for giving me another chance to find that life that I would like to live.

Our divorce papers were officially filed on Monday, July 9. This means that sometime in the beginning of November, I will be a Sprinkle again. I will be free to follow my quintessential American dream--regardless of how quaint it might seem to some. Thank you.

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